Finding Your Way, self growth

Moving On. Is it Easy or Not? Learning To Deal with Change

Moving on can be easy for some. It may depend on what you are moving on from. Moving on is learning to deal with change. Change is never easy but can be done if you have support and the tools to do so. Below we will go over some tips that have helped me over my crazy emotions when they got the best of me. It is okay to take your time to process and go through the change. Especially when you are doing it in a healthy way.

The past year and a half has come with a ton of change. I had to learn to cope, learn to be okay with change, okay with walking away from family members, learn to push myself beyond any limits I have ever had before. It all really hit me when my relationship took a turn. I was faced with more heart break than anyone could imagine. I felt so alone and scared. Even though I had (have) friends by my side, I was alone in this.

She didn’t raise me, really, I grew up in foster care after I turned 13

Being alone when you are going through change can be our own perceptions. Are we truly alone? Not really. We seclude ourselves. At least that is what I learned I was doing. Moving on from yourself and the events in our lives takes time and the tools to process.

The first thing I did after I finally aloud myself to break apart and breakdown, I drank a ton. I couldn’t be alone. I had to be with people all of the time, drinking and partying, I did this for 2 months after our split. It hit me all of a sudden, “This isn’t me, this isn’t who I want to be, my mom didn’t raise me like this.” (Though she didn’t raise me, really, I grew up in foster care after I turned 13) I was in therapy and my therapist told me to cut out certain things. So I will leave you with this as a starting point of healing and coping to move on from whatever it is you are working through .Here you go:

  • Learn to Cope Ahead of Time
  • Cut out Sugar
  • Cut out drinking caffeine
  • No Drugs or alcohol (It is okay to limit if to start) (Baby steps, remember!)
  • Get into the gym
  • For every negative there should be at least 2-3 positives

Moving on isn’t ever easy

That is just a small list of things to help you get through coping and deal with change. Change effects everyone differently and that is okay. If you take the list of tools I listed above to just start out, you will do the rest on your own. I will continue to give you tools as I create some of my own that work for me. Just start with a few steps for a bit and then add more as you get to a good place. Make sure you are taking time for you to listen to your emotions.

Moving on isn’t ever easy. No matter if it is you doing the breaking up, being broken up with, unexpected death, miscarriages, loss of job, etc. It is a change in our lives that is being stirred up that we are really dealing with and coming to terms with. Practice the ways to help you cope with change in life. Reach out to someone if you get to a hard place, we all come to that point in our lives. It is learning how to cope with moving on with the change in our lives.

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Finding Your Way, self growth

Loving Between The Lines

We all hear the phrase, “Reading Between the Lines” but we never think about loving between the lines. What if we stopped, just to a step back in situations? Whether at work or if your in a relationship or single, take time for yourself. Take time to love yourself and when you do this, you will realize a bigger picture. The things we often forget. The things we often don’t realize.

I was in a relationship for almost five years and we had our issues. The most disturbing and hurtful issue that caused part of the end of our relationship was that he never told me he loved me and I didn’t feel like he showed me or ever chose me. He never said how we were going to build our future. I knew what I wanted and I expressed it on top of showing him love. He always tells me that he was showing me. (Yes, we still talk, for now.) To me, he was an amazing and caring person so none of that mattered because that was already him and I didn’t see a difference.

We saw each other recently and spent a couple hours together. We were supposed to talk and I couldn’t really say what was on my mind. I just wanted him there and not disturb the quite and love we were sharing. I was afraid of his answers, his reaction. Driving away was so hard. I felt like we just broke up all over again. So when I woke up the next morning, I felt heartbroken all over again. I was heartbroken because I was realizing that I may have to walk away from him for good. All because I couldn’t love between the lines or communicate.

He loved me, he fell in love with me at some point and in the thick of the relationship, I didn’t realize he fell. Taking a step back and going through the emotions, I realized, HE DID. As I was telling my best friend how I knew he loved me, the feelings resonated deeper inside me. When he would call me, “Lovely”, that was his way of saying “I love you!” I was so hell bent on hearing the words, I Love You, that I didn’t stop to think, this was HIS way of telling me. How many other ways were there in my life that I had done this? In my relationships, in my career or friendship or even with myself.

I started to love myself and listen to my inner thoughts, my inner voice and love myself between the lines. I started to pick apart the love within myself. Now that I am doing this, so many things are becoming clearer. This morning, sitting in the drive through of Starbucks crying, not wanting to go to the office, I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I am learning to love myself between the lines. Taking time!

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Finding Your Way, self growth

Embrace the Shame of Others

Why do so many judge people and make others feel ashamed of their selves? There is nothing worse then feeling in-dignified by those that matter to you most. Do you ever think that maybe people are ashamed of you or your actions because they, themselves don’t understand your reasoning or your actions?

For so long, I was ashamed of the things I had gone through in my life. It all started with my mother and what we went through when I was a teenager. I didn’t feel that way again until I started dating this guy, I fell deeply for. I thought he was my forever. He kept me away from friends (most of them) and family. He never wanted to introduce me to his other half of his family. And for the longest time I thought it was because my skin color or what I went through when I was younger or growing up in foster care/group homes. I excepted all of that because I loved him. But it made me feel like my story was shameful and what I went through defined me and I wasn’t good enough. Which in turn, made me ashamed of myself.

Through the past seven months, I have began to really work hard on myself. Going on my first solo trip really helped me. I came back proud and full of life. I knew what I wanted, what my life should look like, where I wanted my career to go but I knew I had to start with me. I came back home and in the past few months I have ordered more then ten books to help in that process. (Names of books at the end of this blog). I was dedicated to embracing the shame of others. And I had to be, if I was going to continue to grow and excel in my career and love life (when that comes).

Embrace the shame of others. You should wear your faults, hurt, past life or whatever others make you feel ashamed of and for. If you feel ashamed from others, you can use it to your advantage to grow and dig deep into yourself. You may find that you are ashamed too. But why? Why are you ashamed? Why do the opinions of others bother you so much? Generally it is because of regret, disbelief, misunderstandings, hurt or anger you caused yourself and/or others.

If you are on the flip side to this and are the one who is ashamed, what makes YOU feel that way? Ask questions? One of the greatest keys in life is our voice. Communicate. There are reasons for everything. Perceptions are dirty. We don’t know what or how people go through things in life. We don’t know their stories.


Embrace it. Feeling ashamed has and continues to push me along. It is my story and no one else lived it but me. Remember that! It won’t be easy but you have to learn to be okay with your past or choices you have made. You can’t go back, only forward and hopefully with a stronger belief in yourself and others!

Books Read(ing):

  • Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity, and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur by Cara Leyba
  • Stripped by Cara Leyba
  • Style Your Mind for Success by Cara Leyba
  • Style Your Mind: A Workbook and Lifestyle Guide for Women Who Want to Design Their Thoughts, Empower Themselves, and Build a Beautiful Life by Cara Leyba
  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman
  • Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant
  • The Trusted Advisor by David C. Maister
  • Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam Grant
  • Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World
  • Everybody, Always Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People by Bob Goff
  • Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping by and Get Your Financial Life Together by Erin Lowry

Communication

Uplifting People, Not Just Women, through Communication

Who said that women are the only ones that need uplifting? We all do. In work, in relationships, friendships and more. I am truly lucky to be in the career I am in with wonderful executives. Everyday isn’t sunshine in life and/or at work. Knowing I have wonderful co-workers, leaders, mentor and friends has uplifted me.

Through all of the podcasts, books, seminars, and classes I have gone through over the years, there has been a constant, in maintaining and uplifting yourself as well as others. It is “Communication”. Not everyone communicates the same. It also depends on who and when you are communicating. If we don’t take the time to communicate with ourselves and others, how will things get better or change.

To make change, we must start with ourselves. We have to listen to ourselves and become better listeners. There are many tools to do this. You may be asking why is communication so important to uplifting others. When we listen to ourselves and others (and I mean really listen by putting yourself in their shoes with a caring heart) we automatically show gratitude and respect for one another. This in itself is uplifting. When people feel like they are being heard, no matter if it is at the work place or in a relationship, they are filled with joy and appreciation.

In short, begin listening to yourself. The good and the bad. It is up to you and only you to know what you can handle and where you want the next step to lead. Then you can become a better person in your career, as a team, in friendships and relationships.

-Next we will talk about “Reaction” to the communication.

 

Memorial Camping 2018 by Kass
Finding Your Way

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

When push comes to shove, we all have to deal with our feelings and emotions. Even when we don’t want to deal. Life will make you deal. Today I was able to feel my feelings & deal with them. I felt so dirty today. I wanted to run away and couldn’t. My career is on the line. Knowing that people can come into your life & take things from you. Today I felt raped all over again. I gave myself to someone in ways I don’t know that I ever want again. I have never said this openly & so public. But when I was 13 years old I was raped twice by two seperate men and molested by my step dad in the same year. I have my way in life, for myself and to be loved. Today was the day I had to start dealing with it all over again. He took something from me that I can never get back. And now I have to be a strong, independent, driven woman. We lost our baby (Well I lost the baby, he never wanted kids) a year ago and I’ve had a hard time coping and could never find the words or strength to talk to him about it. I wish I would have because then we would, I would, be in a better place. The baby would have been one on April 1st. Today is the day, I begin to face everything again, head on.

-Finding Strength in Vulnerability

(Details will be in the memoir I hope to finish. It’s about the rape, molestation by the man my mom is still married to, living on my own at the age 17 after going through group homes and foster care, the physical abuse in a relationship and being hospitalized from it, loving a man and never being loved back and losing our baby that could have been.)

woman sitting in front of tree
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