Finding Your Way, self growth

Moving On. Is it Easy or Not? Learning To Deal with Change

Moving on can be easy for some. It may depend on what you are moving on from. Moving on is learning to deal with change. Change is never easy but can be done if you have support and the tools to do so. Below we will go over some tips that have helped me over my crazy emotions when they got the best of me. It is okay to take your time to process and go through the change. Especially when you are doing it in a healthy way.

The past year and a half has come with a ton of change. I had to learn to cope, learn to be okay with change, okay with walking away from family members, learn to push myself beyond any limits I have ever had before. It all really hit me when my relationship took a turn. I was faced with more heart break than anyone could imagine. I felt so alone and scared. Even though I had (have) friends by my side, I was alone in this.

She didn’t raise me, really, I grew up in foster care after I turned 13

Being alone when you are going through change can be our own perceptions. Are we truly alone? Not really. We seclude ourselves. At least that is what I learned I was doing. Moving on from yourself and the events in our lives takes time and the tools to process.

The first thing I did after I finally aloud myself to break apart and breakdown, I drank a ton. I couldn’t be alone. I had to be with people all of the time, drinking and partying, I did this for 2 months after our split. It hit me all of a sudden, “This isn’t me, this isn’t who I want to be, my mom didn’t raise me like this.” (Though she didn’t raise me, really, I grew up in foster care after I turned 13) I was in therapy and my therapist told me to cut out certain things. So I will leave you with this as a starting point of healing and coping to move on from whatever it is you are working through .Here you go:

  • Learn to Cope Ahead of Time
  • Cut out Sugar
  • Cut out drinking caffeine
  • No Drugs or alcohol (It is okay to limit if to start) (Baby steps, remember!)
  • Get into the gym
  • For every negative there should be at least 2-3 positives

Moving on isn’t ever easy

That is just a small list of things to help you get through coping and deal with change. Change effects everyone differently and that is okay. If you take the list of tools I listed above to just start out, you will do the rest on your own. I will continue to give you tools as I create some of my own that work for me. Just start with a few steps for a bit and then add more as you get to a good place. Make sure you are taking time for you to listen to your emotions.

Moving on isn’t ever easy. No matter if it is you doing the breaking up, being broken up with, unexpected death, miscarriages, loss of job, etc. It is a change in our lives that is being stirred up that we are really dealing with and coming to terms with. Practice the ways to help you cope with change in life. Reach out to someone if you get to a hard place, we all come to that point in our lives. It is learning how to cope with moving on with the change in our lives.

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Finding Your Way

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

When push comes to shove, we all have to deal with our feelings and emotions. Even when we don’t want to deal. Life will make you deal. Today I was able to feel my feelings & deal with them. I felt so dirty today. I wanted to run away and couldn’t. My career is on the line. Knowing that people can come into your life & take things from you. Today I felt raped all over again. I gave myself to someone in ways I don’t know that I ever want again. I have never said this openly & so public. But when I was 13 years old I was raped twice by two seperate men and molested by my step dad in the same year. I have my way in life, for myself and to be loved. Today was the day I had to start dealing with it all over again. He took something from me that I can never get back. And now I have to be a strong, independent, driven woman. We lost our baby (Well I lost the baby, he never wanted kids) a year ago and I’ve had a hard time coping and could never find the words or strength to talk to him about it. I wish I would have because then we would, I would, be in a better place. The baby would have been one on April 1st. Today is the day, I begin to face everything again, head on.

-Finding Strength in Vulnerability

(Details will be in the memoir I hope to finish. It’s about the rape, molestation by the man my mom is still married to, living on my own at the age 17 after going through group homes and foster care, the physical abuse in a relationship and being hospitalized from it, loving a man and never being loved back and losing our baby that could have been.)

woman sitting in front of tree
Photo by Caique Silva on Pexels.com

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Getting to Know Myself Through Seattle Part 1

Well, check that off a major bucket list! 1) Come on, it’s Seattle! 2) Getting to know yourself, while in Seattle. Wait! Let me say it again, GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF, while in the Great Seattle! Let me remind you, I’m a native to the beautiful “Colorful Colorado.” Never have I come across such overwhelming feeling of emotion for beauty, morbid beauty, (I’ll explain later), self love, career, past faults and growth in so many aspects of my life. I was so angry going to Seattle, I didn’t want to go.

Being angry to go to the one place you have dreamed of was so confusing. I didn’t care to go through all of the emotions of all of the loss I had experienced in the past year and all of the possible loss I could face in the future. I was lost being in Seattle, figuratively and literally. I didn’t become okay with the process until the last day but I did it. I made it through that part of the process of the many emotions (anger, numbness, disappoint in others and myself, love, learning to love again, sadness, disgust, trust and joy.)

My best friend and I laughed and talked for hours before she took me to the airport. She had never hugged me like she did and I was so thankful she did because I knew she loved me and cared about what I was going through and getting ready to face. I felt bad she couldn’t come with me but in all honesty, this is something I had to do for me. She understood me. Here goes nothing.

When I finally arrived, after we drove to the airport, I was numb. I sat at the airport, numb. Got on the plain and was still unsure, scared. My mind was running but still. Landed and followed the signs to get to my Lyft. I sat in the back seat with a couple in silence.  Arrived at the Air BNB, numb. Numb, scared, lost and now the time is here. No turning back now.  I couldn’t believe I was doing this and by myself none the less. Goodnight Seattle!

 

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Beginning of Self Destruction

There was a moment when I was finding myself, after a horrible break up (don’t worry, we will get there). It felt great. I was learning to love myself all over again. Who knew that in the months to come, following a miscarriage, there would be illness lurking, three deaths, a break up and a mental breakdown. All within a years time.

There will be many blog posts, some of which are from my journal itself. I hope you are ready. Who am I kidding? I hope I am ready. Am I scared to put it our there, Yes! But if I could share this with people and they know they are not alone,  that is all that matters. Just to be able to help one person is all I want.

So we begin…

“Problems should be like speed bumps. You slow down just to get over it, but you don’t let it stop you from heading to your destination. — Sonya Parker

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