Communication, Finding Your Way, self growth

Becoming…

I am sitting here in this coffee shop/bar in Capital Hill. A place I have wanted to come to. I made it! I wasn’t going to come out of the house today after all of the heartbreak, anger and confusion this weekend. But here I am. Pushing myself to continue to love myself and grow.

It is important, for me anyway, when I am angry, feeling down or lost that I don’t sit around and sulk. I want to, don’t get me wrong. Through any process, it is important to change perspectives, try and maintain positive and remain hopeful. All is not lost. I am becoming the person and woman I have always wanted to be. I know it is in me, it always has been. I am learning that perseption is everything.

I have always had a negitive outlook on life. I blamed my thoughts and actions on my past and how I grew up. I am becoming very grateful for the pain and past I have gone through. Through each painful aspect of my life, I have learned great things.

This weekend I did something with the man I am in love with and probably shouldn’t have. I again was testing my limits. I thought that because it was him, I would be okay, that it wold be okay. It isn’t. I wasn’t okay after. I looked deep inside myself and what I want out of life; In a relationship, self love and self respect. What I have found becuase of this is that I need to communicate my feelings, good or bad. We all do.

I was angry and hurt with myself and so was he for what we did. But why? I was angry because I know where my heart is. I know where I want to be. I have this vision in my head of us and myself as a partner and individual. Crossing boundaries and becoming okay with the ideas that play in my head is pushing me further in my growth and that is the part of me that hurts. I am okay with walking away from all of the ideas.

At the very least today, I walked out of the house. Worked on myself, took a step out, worked on my business, and did some self reflection. I am becoming the greatest me!

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Talk to you all again soon! Inspired Adonis XoXo

by Inspired Kass

Finding Your Way, self growth

Loving Between The Lines

We all hear the phrase, “Reading Between the Lines” but we never think about loving between the lines. What if we stopped, just to a step back in situations? Whether at work or if your in a relationship or single, take time for yourself. Take time to love yourself and when you do this, you will realize a bigger picture. The things we often forget. The things we often don’t realize.

I was in a relationship for almost five years and we had our issues. The most disturbing and hurtful issue that caused part of the end of our relationship was that he never told me he loved me and I didn’t feel like he showed me or ever chose me. He never said how we were going to build our future. I knew what I wanted and I expressed it on top of showing him love. He always tells me that he was showing me. (Yes, we still talk, for now.) To me, he was an amazing and caring person so none of that mattered because that was already him and I didn’t see a difference.

We saw each other recently and spent a couple hours together. We were supposed to talk and I couldn’t really say what was on my mind. I just wanted him there and not disturb the quite and love we were sharing. I was afraid of his answers, his reaction. Driving away was so hard. I felt like we just broke up all over again. So when I woke up the next morning, I felt heartbroken all over again. I was heartbroken because I was realizing that I may have to walk away from him for good. All because I couldn’t love between the lines or communicate.

He loved me, he fell in love with me at some point and in the thick of the relationship, I didn’t realize he fell. Taking a step back and going through the emotions, I realized, HE DID. As I was telling my best friend how I knew he loved me, the feelings resonated deeper inside me. When he would call me, “Lovely”, that was his way of saying “I love you!” I was so hell bent on hearing the words, I Love You, that I didn’t stop to think, this was HIS way of telling me. How many other ways were there in my life that I had done this? In my relationships, in my career or friendship or even with myself.

I started to love myself and listen to my inner thoughts, my inner voice and love myself between the lines. I started to pick apart the love within myself. Now that I am doing this, so many things are becoming clearer. This morning, sitting in the drive through of Starbucks crying, not wanting to go to the office, I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I am learning to love myself between the lines. Taking time!

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Getting to Know Myself Through Seattle Part 1

Well, check that off a major bucket list! 1) Come on, it’s Seattle! 2) Getting to know yourself, while in Seattle. Wait! Let me say it again, GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF, while in the Great Seattle! Let me remind you, I’m a native to the beautiful “Colorful Colorado.” Never have I come across such overwhelming feeling of emotion for beauty, morbid beauty, (I’ll explain later), self love, career, past faults and growth in so many aspects of my life. I was so angry going to Seattle, I didn’t want to go.

Being angry to go to the one place you have dreamed of was so confusing. I didn’t care to go through all of the emotions of all of the loss I had experienced in the past year and all of the possible loss I could face in the future. I was lost being in Seattle, figuratively and literally. I didn’t become okay with the process until the last day but I did it. I made it through that part of the process of the many emotions (anger, numbness, disappoint in others and myself, love, learning to love again, sadness, disgust, trust and joy.)

My best friend and I laughed and talked for hours before she took me to the airport. She had never hugged me like she did and I was so thankful she did because I knew she loved me and cared about what I was going through and getting ready to face. I felt bad she couldn’t come with me but in all honesty, this is something I had to do for me. She understood me. Here goes nothing.

When I finally arrived, after we drove to the airport, I was numb. I sat at the airport, numb. Got on the plain and was still unsure, scared. My mind was running but still. Landed and followed the signs to get to my Lyft. I sat in the back seat with a couple in silence.  Arrived at the Air BNB, numb. Numb, scared, lost and now the time is here. No turning back now.  I couldn’t believe I was doing this and by myself none the less. Goodnight Seattle!

 

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Beginning of Self Destruction

There was a moment when I was finding myself, after a horrible break up (don’t worry, we will get there). It felt great. I was learning to love myself all over again. Who knew that in the months to come, following a miscarriage, there would be illness lurking, three deaths, a break up and a mental breakdown. All within a years time.

There will be many blog posts, some of which are from my journal itself. I hope you are ready. Who am I kidding? I hope I am ready. Am I scared to put it our there, Yes! But if I could share this with people and they know they are not alone,  that is all that matters. Just to be able to help one person is all I want.

So we begin…

“Problems should be like speed bumps. You slow down just to get over it, but you don’t let it stop you from heading to your destination. — Sonya Parker

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Linger On

The strong feeling I have for you. They are so over powering. It’s a feeling people dream of. I don’t ever want the burning desire to go away. My heart breaks when I don’t get to see you. The days have been amazing lately. I am so scared it won’t last, that it is just a phase. I dream and hope it’s not. I want the passion to linger.

Linger On…