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Finding Your Way

The Situation

We often find ourselves in many situations. Some good and wonderful, some hurtful and draining. Some are a bit of all of that. I fell in love with a situation (that’s what we will call him) that became a huge situation both good and bad. I was in love and he was in lust, I think or whatever it was.

It started back on a summer, Sunday day July 2014. As I walked outside to the patio of a local restaurant turned hang spot, to meet with a friend, there he was. I didn’t see anyone else but him. It was like tunnel vision. As we all hung out, we started talking and it felt great. Two hours past and I wanted more. Never did I have a guy sit and hold a conversation with me. I ended up getting his number and a week later we were on our first date. (My first date ever in life). It was a connection I longed for and was blown away that I found it. This was it, he was it. I knew weeks after dating him.

It took us three weeks before our first kiss and I respected that and appreciated that he didn’t pressure me. Through all the things I had gone through, the rape, molestation, cheaters, physically abusive relationship, that I got out of a few months before meeting “The Situation”, He was a breath of fresh air. We had the same goals and desires in life. The only problem is that he didn’t know what he wanted. That lasted almost five years of our relationship. He was constantly breaking up with me every 6-8 months. And yes, it was my fault for taking him back. But I believed in him, myself, us and what we were when we were together and what we could build together. I was hopeful and wanted “The Situation” no matter what our situation was. But anytime we faught, he or I got depressed it was too much for him to handle and he would break up with me instead of taking a step back and coming together to figure things out. The last time physically hurt me from the heartache. Just a couple weeks before we broke up, he told me he wanted to spend his life with me and then next he was saying he didn’t want me and didn’t know if he loved me.

I have learned and am still learning that no matter what you go through, there is always going to be a situation that can effect your decision(s). That I am okay with. What I’m not okay with is people misleading or being dishonest with themselves and others, maybe I wasn’t honest with myself. If we are unsure of things or don’t know how to move forward, what’s right or wrong, or need a moment to grow, we have to speak up.

As loving, caring, respectful human beings we have to be honest with ourselves and others in the beginning, middle and end, no matter the situation. This ripple effect of pain, heartache, and disbelief that “The Situation” caused me only causes more “Situations” in the world and then everyone will continue hurting each other. Learn how to move forward, build yourself and others and learn to handle all situations with respect and gratitude.

Finding Your Way, self growth

Embrace the Shame of Others

Why do so many judge people and make others feel ashamed of their selves? There is nothing worse then feeling in-dignified by those that matter to you most. Do you ever think that maybe people are ashamed of you or your actions because they, themselves don’t understand your reasoning or your actions?

For so long, I was ashamed of the things I had gone through in my life. It all started with my mother and what we went through when I was a teenager. I didn’t feel that way again until I started dating this guy, I fell deeply for. I thought he was my forever. He kept me away from friends (most of them) and family. He never wanted to introduce me to his other half of his family. And for the longest time I thought it was because my skin color or what I went through when I was younger or growing up in foster care/group homes. I excepted all of that because I loved him. But it made me feel like my story was shameful and what I went through defined me and I wasn’t good enough. Which in turn, made me ashamed of myself.

Through the past seven months, I have began to really work hard on myself. Going on my first solo trip really helped me. I came back proud and full of life. I knew what I wanted, what my life should look like, where I wanted my career to go but I knew I had to start with me. I came back home and in the past few months I have ordered more then ten books to help in that process. (Names of books at the end of this blog). I was dedicated to embracing the shame of others. And I had to be, if I was going to continue to grow and excel in my career and love life (when that comes).

Embrace the shame of others. You should wear your faults, hurt, past life or whatever others make you feel ashamed of and for. If you feel ashamed from others, you can use it to your advantage to grow and dig deep into yourself. You may find that you are ashamed too. But why? Why are you ashamed? Why do the opinions of others bother you so much? Generally it is because of regret, disbelief, misunderstandings, hurt or anger you caused yourself and/or others.

If you are on the flip side to this and are the one who is ashamed, what makes YOU feel that way? Ask questions? One of the greatest keys in life is our voice. Communicate. There are reasons for everything. Perceptions are dirty. We don’t know what or how people go through things in life. We don’t know their stories.


Embrace it. Feeling ashamed has and continues to push me along. It is my story and no one else lived it but me. Remember that! It won’t be easy but you have to learn to be okay with your past or choices you have made. You can’t go back, only forward and hopefully with a stronger belief in yourself and others!

Books Read(ing):

  • Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity, and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur by Cara Leyba
  • Stripped by Cara Leyba
  • Style Your Mind for Success by Cara Leyba
  • Style Your Mind: A Workbook and Lifestyle Guide for Women Who Want to Design Their Thoughts, Empower Themselves, and Build a Beautiful Life by Cara Leyba
  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman
  • Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant
  • The Trusted Advisor by David C. Maister
  • Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam Grant
  • Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World
  • Everybody, Always Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People by Bob Goff
  • Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping by and Get Your Financial Life Together by Erin Lowry

Finding Your Way

Past Years Deaths turned Strength

Never in my life did I think that I would go through so much in a eight month span, better yet a whole year or so of tragic and mentally straining events. In that time I went through a miscarriage after a break up (don’t worry, one day I will write about him), and three people I cared about and loved passed away. Death has always been of major fear of mine. Not so much me dying but others around me and it happened and I didn’t know how to cope and felt like I didn’t have anyone to turn to. In March 2018, my grandmother passed away. She was the most beautiful and fierce woman I knew. She and my grandfather had their own battles through marriage and it made her a great mother and grandmother for it. They were married until the day she passed (I guess they still are in death). She helped raise me before I went into group homes and foster care. So, her passing made it that much harder on me. I felt like I was going to for sure be alone in this world. That I was not okay with. In April 2018, our unborn child would have been born and my friend Laura committed suicide. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to her vigil or funeral. I hadn’t even began to deal with my grandma being gone. In May 2018, after coming back from an eventful Memorial Day camping trip (that is a story in itself), I found out that they had found my cousin downtown Denver, dead from a drug overdose. I was so beyond numb at this point, I was in rage, disbelief, hurt, alone and grasping at every emotion I could to stay alive. To this day, it is a battle. My grandma’s death anniversary came and went. I couldn’t deal with it. The guy I was dating at the time was dealing with his own battles. So here I was figuring out my own emotions. It finally all hit me when I realized that our child would have been one. And I know most are probably saying owe well it wasn’t even a baby, it was just a fetus. But for me, that was a future, that was going to be a human being I could raise the right way, a love I could have as my own and share. I have my tubes tied and I am not supposed to get pregnant so for me, it was everything. At the time, everything I wanted and with Mike none the less. He would have made a wonderful father. A choice that wasn’t even mine to keep. Now Laura, this hit me harder than I thought it would but I think it was because I tried committing suicide in my early 20s and now I was able to see what it did to people. Leaving them behind, struggling financially and struggling mentally. But no one really knows what people are going through. We are all so self involved. I think we try to ask for help in our own ways and when we don’t feel heard, we make bad choices. My cousin, oh how I miss him dearly. I miss his slanted smile and us playing at grandmas house. My grandma helped raise me, my brother, my cousin and his brother. He was like a brother to me and we were only a year apart. I just wish we would have stayed closer to each other. Maybe I could have been there for him the way I need(ed) someone to be there for me. Through all of these events and emotions, I am pushing through to find the strength to go on and build myself up. I want to be strong and grow so I can help others. I am dedicated to being committed to myself and being a beautiful, strong, more loving woman. If it weren’t for this past year and all the death, a guy who couldn’t love me or wouldn’t, the miscarriage, the sexual harassment in the work place, I wouldn’t be here striving and growing in my career and as a human being. There is usually light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to see it within yourself and grow from it. Take all the bad and try to turn it around. It isn’t easy and it takes a lot (A LOT) of practice. If you want it bad enough, you will thrive and have the strength in the end to push forward and make the best for yourself. -Find Your Inner Strength or Find Someone to Give you a Boost along the way.
Finding Your Way

Dedication vs Commitment

Truth be told I am always dedicated to commitment. First let’s look at the meaning of both.

Dedication (n) – The quality of being dedicated or committed to a task or purpose.

Commitment (n) – An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.

So in short, commitment is one’s obligation and dedication is someones passion in the performance to an obligation.

I feel I have always found myself in the middle. I grew up in a generation where relationships were different. I was taught to stay in a relationship and fight for each other. Because of this,  I feel I am very passionate in being committed in a relationship.

Being in a committed relationship is somethi g I have always done. I haven’t really dated. Yes, I have had my share of one night stands when I was younger.  Personally, I’m just not a fan. I feel like sex is meaningful and can be even more meaningful in a committed relationship.

What do you desire? Where do you think you fall? Commutes, Dedicated or Both.

Keep an eye out for a more in depth posting and test to see where you fall. We can build on our relationships with friends,  family or partner when we know where we fall.

Communication

Uplifting People, Not Just Women, through Communication

Who said that women are the only ones that need uplifting? We all do. In work, in relationships, friendships and more. I am truly lucky to be in the career I am in with wonderful executives. Everyday isn’t sunshine in life and/or at work. Knowing I have wonderful co-workers, leaders, mentor and friends has uplifted me.

Through all of the podcasts, books, seminars, and classes I have gone through over the years, there has been a constant, in maintaining and uplifting yourself as well as others. It is “Communication”. Not everyone communicates the same. It also depends on who and when you are communicating. If we don’t take the time to communicate with ourselves and others, how will things get better or change.

To make change, we must start with ourselves. We have to listen to ourselves and become better listeners. There are many tools to do this. You may be asking why is communication so important to uplifting others. When we listen to ourselves and others (and I mean really listen by putting yourself in their shoes with a caring heart) we automatically show gratitude and respect for one another. This in itself is uplifting. When people feel like they are being heard, no matter if it is at the work place or in a relationship, they are filled with joy and appreciation.

In short, begin listening to yourself. The good and the bad. It is up to you and only you to know what you can handle and where you want the next step to lead. Then you can become a better person in your career, as a team, in friendships and relationships.

-Next we will talk about “Reaction” to the communication.

 

Memorial Camping 2018 by Kass