We often find ourselves in many situations. Some good and wonderful, some hurtful and draining. Some are a bit of all of that. I fell in love with a situation (that’s what we will call him) that became a huge situation both good and bad. I was in love and he was in lust, I think or whatever it was.
It started back on a summer, Sunday day July 2014. As I walked outside to the patio of a local restaurant turned hang spot, to meet with a friend, there he was. I didn’t see anyone else but him. It was like tunnel vision. As we all hung out, we started talking and it felt great. Two hours past and I wanted more. Never did I have a guy sit and hold a conversation with me. I ended up getting his number and a week later we were on our first date. (My first date ever in life). It was a connection I longed for and was blown away that I found it. This was it, he was it. I knew weeks after dating him.
It took us three weeks before our first kiss and I respected that and appreciated that he didn’t pressure me. Through all the things I had gone through, the rape, molestation, cheaters, physically abusive relationship, that I got out of a few months before meeting “The Situation”, He was a breath of fresh air. We had the same goals and desires in life. The only problem is that he didn’t know what he wanted. That lasted almost five years of our relationship. He was constantly breaking up with me every 6-8 months. And yes, it was my fault for taking him back. But I believed in him, myself, us and what we were when we were together and what we could build together. I was hopeful and wanted “The Situation” no matter what our situation was. But anytime we faught, he or I got depressed it was too much for him to handle and he would break up with me instead of taking a step back and coming together to figure things out. The last time physically hurt me from the heartache. Just a couple weeks before we broke up, he told me he wanted to spend his life with me and then next he was saying he didn’t want me and didn’t know if he loved me.
I have learned and am still learning that no matter what you go through, there is always going to be a situation that can effect your decision(s). That I am okay with. What I’m not okay with is people misleading or being dishonest with themselves and others, maybe I wasn’t honest with myself. If we are unsure of things or don’t know how to move forward, what’s right or wrong, or need a moment to grow, we have to speak up.
As loving, caring, respectful human beings we have to be honest with ourselves and others in the beginning, middle and end, no matter the situation. This ripple effect of pain, heartache, and disbelief that “The Situation” caused me only causes more “Situations” in the world and then everyone will continue hurting each other. Learn how to move forward, build yourself and others and learn to handle all situations with respect and gratitude.