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Finding Your Way, self growth

Moving On. Is it Easy or Not? Learning To Deal with Change

Moving on can be easy for some. It may depend on what you are moving on from. Moving on is learning to deal with change. Change is never easy but can be done if you have support and the tools to do so. Below we will go over some tips that have helped me over my crazy emotions when they got the best of me. It is okay to take your time to process and go through the change. Especially when you are doing it in a healthy way.

The past year and a half has come with a ton of change. I had to learn to cope, learn to be okay with change, okay with walking away from family members, learn to push myself beyond any limits I have ever had before. It all really hit me when my relationship took a turn. I was faced with more heart break than anyone could imagine. I felt so alone and scared. Even though I had (have) friends by my side, I was alone in this.

She didn’t raise me, really, I grew up in foster care after I turned 13

Being alone when you are going through change can be our own perceptions. Are we truly alone? Not really. We seclude ourselves. At least that is what I learned I was doing. Moving on from yourself and the events in our lives takes time and the tools to process.

The first thing I did after I finally aloud myself to break apart and breakdown, I drank a ton. I couldn’t be alone. I had to be with people all of the time, drinking and partying, I did this for 2 months after our split. It hit me all of a sudden, “This isn’t me, this isn’t who I want to be, my mom didn’t raise me like this.” (Though she didn’t raise me, really, I grew up in foster care after I turned 13) I was in therapy and my therapist told me to cut out certain things. So I will leave you with this as a starting point of healing and coping to move on from whatever it is you are working through .Here you go:

  • Learn to Cope Ahead of Time
  • Cut out Sugar
  • Cut out drinking caffeine
  • No Drugs or alcohol (It is okay to limit if to start) (Baby steps, remember!)
  • Get into the gym
  • For every negative there should be at least 2-3 positives

Moving on isn’t ever easy

That is just a small list of things to help you get through coping and deal with change. Change effects everyone differently and that is okay. If you take the list of tools I listed above to just start out, you will do the rest on your own. I will continue to give you tools as I create some of my own that work for me. Just start with a few steps for a bit and then add more as you get to a good place. Make sure you are taking time for you to listen to your emotions.

Moving on isn’t ever easy. No matter if it is you doing the breaking up, being broken up with, unexpected death, miscarriages, loss of job, etc. It is a change in our lives that is being stirred up that we are really dealing with and coming to terms with. Practice the ways to help you cope with change in life. Reach out to someone if you get to a hard place, we all come to that point in our lives. It is learning how to cope with moving on with the change in our lives.

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Communication, Finding Your Way, self growth, Sexual Abuse

Letting Go & Putting the Weights Down…

Through all of these many years I have hung onto the things that have happened to me and others. Causing pain to others and myself. For so long I didn’t realize it was even happening and what was being caused. I continue to talk about the past year and a half because that was a major turning point in reality for me.

It wasn’t the rape, the molestation, group homes, foster care, losing and letting go of three precious human beings or the physical abuse. It was the the miscarriage, the deaths, the suicide, the sexual harrasment and not being able to talk through it. Maybe it was because these aren’t easy topics, maybe it’s because I don’t know how to or the fear of being judge and ridiculed.

No matter the case, the added weight of all of the trauma leading up to now sat with me. Weighing me down in life, my career, my friendships and relationships. The lack of trust in myself manifested and bled into my relationship(s). Oh how I wish I could take so many things back but I can’t and I have to learn to let go, accept and defeat.

I want to let go of the pain and I know it’ll take many steps and time.

I have a couple of girlfriends that have also gone through breaks; one recent and one a couple years ago. One was able to start dating/new realtionship a month after many years being in a relationship and found an amazing man that supports her. The other broke up with her guy a couple years ago and still doesn’t want to be in a relationship. (Love and Fear are strong and powerful)

What I am getting at here is that some can let go and drop the weight, some mask and some never get over the emotion of the past issues or realtionships therefore hindering your future actions and decisions and some do all three.

A friend recently told me it’s totally okay to feel what I am feeling. That it is okay to not be ready, that it is not easy to forgive or move on. Take my time. And that means the relationship I had was real, along with my feelings and it’s okay.

So I went on a date since the recent break up. I wanted to know where I was emotionally. Pushing myself, like always. This journey is going to be harder than I thought. I am in love still and I live in fear of other men. Dealing with the sexual harrasment recently brought up a ton of sexual abuse issues on top of being cat called all of the time and having my ex’s friend try to get me to sleep with him. It makes me question my worth as I already did. Hense why I always needed reassurance from my ex in our relationship. I’m not ready to date, be with anyone sexually. And that’s okay.

I am traumatized!

I am also very devoted to the person I loved and myself. I trust that my heart and working through the emotions/issues will help me grow and not carry so much weight. Who knew the the sex abuse and choices I have made would cause this much pain, not only for myself but for those I care about and will/have been apart of my life. I will be able to show my beauty without being afraid, without being ashamed of always being sexualized, with true love from myself and hope that I will have the support, loyalty and dedication from a true love one day.

….Letting Go & Putting the Weights Down

flock of birds and woman
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Finding Your Way

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

When push comes to shove, we all have to deal with our feelings and emotions. Even when we don’t want to deal. Life will make you deal. Today I was able to feel my feelings & deal with them. I felt so dirty today. I wanted to run away and couldn’t. My career is on the line. Knowing that people can come into your life & take things from you. Today I felt raped all over again. I gave myself to someone in ways I don’t know that I ever want again. I have never said this openly & so public. But when I was 13 years old I was raped twice by two seperate men and molested by my step dad in the same year. I have my way in life, for myself and to be loved. Today was the day I had to start dealing with it all over again. He took something from me that I can never get back. And now I have to be a strong, independent, driven woman. We lost our baby (Well I lost the baby, he never wanted kids) a year ago and I’ve had a hard time coping and could never find the words or strength to talk to him about it. I wish I would have because then we would, I would, be in a better place. The baby would have been one on April 1st. Today is the day, I begin to face everything again, head on.

-Finding Strength in Vulnerability

(Details will be in the memoir I hope to finish. It’s about the rape, molestation by the man my mom is still married to, living on my own at the age 17 after going through group homes and foster care, the physical abuse in a relationship and being hospitalized from it, loving a man and never being loved back and losing our baby that could have been.)

woman sitting in front of tree
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Finding Your Way

Reflect In Me…

Back on September 19th, 2018, I wrote a short journal entry about the reflections I was encountering while in Seattle. It was a day after my birthday and I was having a hard day leaving the AirBNB. The guy I was dating at the time was in Italy with his sister’s and I wasn’t able to spend it with him or the experience and that was hurting me.

The journal entry read:

“Today, so far, I’ve taken time to relax and think. Some self reflection. I did some thinking about what I want. Do I want what I have? Am I happy where I am at in life. The answer in short is “No!” I know what I want, the type of guy I want, the career I want. Now, I am just wondering, wondering, if. All I want is to be happy and be around those that truly care, wants me to be happy in life and wants nothing but happiness for me. Through everything I’ve gone through this year, I feel like I owe so much more to myself. And there is nothing like now to begin.” -Reflect In Me

As I sat in a park in Golden, Colorado and re-read the entry again, I remembered the emotions and thoughts that made me write that reflection back in September. I was reflecting again.

I have been self-employed the past month and feeling the ambition and drive for more. Those exact feelings and desires I knew I was destined to have and build were coming alive. I was building a brand, I was working on the consulting business and dreaming up the most powerful of them all, an Empowerment Organization.

At times, I have to take a step back and remind myself of why I make the decisions I do. Push myself to understand that there is great love within me and with that I can and will build and empire. I will stay true to the reasoning and reflection of having more. Wether that is in a relationship, friendship or business endeavors.

This woman saw great and felt the greatness we all could have back on that September day and now it is time to grow from that. Remember that feeling.

When we often forget why we are where we are, take a moment, two or five to remind yourself why you began in the first place. A gift I leave with you, Self Reflection. Do this as many times as you have to stay strong, to remind yourself, and or build yourself up. As my best friend would say, “You Got This!”

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Talk to you all again soon! Inspired Adonis XoXo

Communication, Finding Your Way, self growth

Becoming…

I am sitting here in this coffee shop/bar in Capital Hill. A place I have wanted to come to. I made it! I wasn’t going to come out of the house today after all of the heartbreak, anger and confusion this weekend. But here I am. Pushing myself to continue to love myself and grow.

It is important, for me anyway, when I am angry, feeling down or lost that I don’t sit around and sulk. I want to, don’t get me wrong. Through any process, it is important to change perspectives, try and maintain positive and remain hopeful. All is not lost. I am becoming the person and woman I have always wanted to be. I know it is in me, it always has been. I am learning that perseption is everything.

I have always had a negitive outlook on life. I blamed my thoughts and actions on my past and how I grew up. I am becoming very grateful for the pain and past I have gone through. Through each painful aspect of my life, I have learned great things.

This weekend I did something with the man I am in love with and probably shouldn’t have. I again was testing my limits. I thought that because it was him, I would be okay, that it wold be okay. It isn’t. I wasn’t okay after. I looked deep inside myself and what I want out of life; In a relationship, self love and self respect. What I have found becuase of this is that I need to communicate my feelings, good or bad. We all do.

I was angry and hurt with myself and so was he for what we did. But why? I was angry because I know where my heart is. I know where I want to be. I have this vision in my head of us and myself as a partner and individual. Crossing boundaries and becoming okay with the ideas that play in my head is pushing me further in my growth and that is the part of me that hurts. I am okay with walking away from all of the ideas.

At the very least today, I walked out of the house. Worked on myself, took a step out, worked on my business, and did some self reflection. I am becoming the greatest me!

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Talk to you all again soon! Inspired Adonis XoXo

by Inspired Kass

Finding Your Way, self growth

Loving Between The Lines

We all hear the phrase, “Reading Between the Lines” but we never think about loving between the lines. What if we stopped, just to a step back in situations? Whether at work or if your in a relationship or single, take time for yourself. Take time to love yourself and when you do this, you will realize a bigger picture. The things we often forget. The things we often don’t realize.

I was in a relationship for almost five years and we had our issues. The most disturbing and hurtful issue that caused part of the end of our relationship was that he never told me he loved me and I didn’t feel like he showed me or ever chose me. He never said how we were going to build our future. I knew what I wanted and I expressed it on top of showing him love. He always tells me that he was showing me. (Yes, we still talk, for now.) To me, he was an amazing and caring person so none of that mattered because that was already him and I didn’t see a difference.

We saw each other recently and spent a couple hours together. We were supposed to talk and I couldn’t really say what was on my mind. I just wanted him there and not disturb the quite and love we were sharing. I was afraid of his answers, his reaction. Driving away was so hard. I felt like we just broke up all over again. So when I woke up the next morning, I felt heartbroken all over again. I was heartbroken because I was realizing that I may have to walk away from him for good. All because I couldn’t love between the lines or communicate.

He loved me, he fell in love with me at some point and in the thick of the relationship, I didn’t realize he fell. Taking a step back and going through the emotions, I realized, HE DID. As I was telling my best friend how I knew he loved me, the feelings resonated deeper inside me. When he would call me, “Lovely”, that was his way of saying “I love you!” I was so hell bent on hearing the words, I Love You, that I didn’t stop to think, this was HIS way of telling me. How many other ways were there in my life that I had done this? In my relationships, in my career or friendship or even with myself.

I started to love myself and listen to my inner thoughts, my inner voice and love myself between the lines. I started to pick apart the love within myself. Now that I am doing this, so many things are becoming clearer. This morning, sitting in the drive through of Starbucks crying, not wanting to go to the office, I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I am learning to love myself between the lines. Taking time!

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