I am sitting here in this coffee shop/bar in Capital Hill. A place I have wanted to come to. I made it! I wasn’t going to come out of the house today after all of the heartbreak, anger and confusion this weekend. But here I am. Pushing myself to continue to love myself and grow.
It is important, for me anyway, when I am angry, feeling down or lost that I don’t sit around and sulk. I want to, don’t get me wrong. Through any process, it is important to change perspectives, try and maintain positive and remain hopeful. All is not lost. I am becoming the person and woman I have always wanted to be. I know it is in me, it always has been. I am learning that perseption is everything.
I have always had a negitive outlook on life. I blamed my thoughts and actions on my past and how I grew up. I am becoming very grateful for the pain and past I have gone through. Through each painful aspect of my life, I have learned great things.
This weekend I did something with the man I am in love with and probably shouldn’t have. I again was testing my limits. I thought that because it was him, I would be okay, that it wold be okay. It isn’t. I wasn’t okay after. I looked deep inside myself and what I want out of life; In a relationship, self love and self respect. What I have found becuase of this is that I need to communicate my feelings, good or bad. We all do.
I was angry and hurt with myself and so was he for what we did. But why? I was angry because I know where my heart is. I know where I want to be. I have this vision in my head of us and myself as a partner and individual. Crossing boundaries and becoming okay with the ideas that play in my head is pushing me further in my growth and that is the part of me that hurts. I am okay with walking away from all of the ideas.
At the very least today, I walked out of the house. Worked on myself, took a step out, worked on my business, and did some self reflection. I am becoming the greatest me!
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Talk to you all again soon! Inspired Adonis XoXo